I can now say that I have experienced some highs and some low's at this point with my recovery. At this moment, I am hoping and hanging on for dear life that I am coming out of a "low" that I've fallen into for the past week.
Last week, as mentioned in a previous post, I was feeling pretty down ... somewhat like a depressive state. Highly emotional, short fused. There were 2 factors playing into this though: 1, had just stopped taking one of my medications (a 12-hour time released Oxycontin), and 2, Jonathan (my 5 1/2 year old) was home almost all week due to summer camps being over and he had his first 1/2 day of Kindergarten on Friday. Both of these could have contributed to my nerves and emotions being shot.
After a week like that, I truly look forward to Sunday morning where we all get ready for church, and John and I enjoy the hour kid-less in Sunday School where we can focus on letting the Lord speak to us, without interruption, and enjoy some quality time with the incredibly special people in our class. To my dismay, the one elevator in our church that goes to the 4th floor was OUT OF SERVICE!!! Our only hope was to take another elevator that only goes up to the 3rd floor, and then take the stairs. There's just one problem with that solution ... I can't go up a big flight of stairs like that on crutches (which were in the car) just yet, and my only mode of transportation was a wheelchair. I felt this sinking feeling in my stomach ... I couldn't believe that I couldn't go to Sunday School because of a stupid elevator being broken. After all, I've never had to rely on an elevator before. This was not the way I wanted my Sunday to start off, after we had experienced a rough morning as it was just getting ready, getting the kids dressed and out the door, and listening to arguing and tantrums in the car all the way downtown. John and I sat in the sanctuary during Sunday School and listened to our stand-in pianist and our organist practice, and enjoyed the peace ... for at least 30-45 minutes. There is indeed something special about our sanctuary at First Baptist Nashville ... this room has a grandeur about it with the abundance of stained glass windows and the majesty of the pipes for the organ, and you really can feel God's presence in this place. We decided not to stay for the worship service as we were just exhausted, and picked up the kids after their Sunday School was over.
Leap forward to Monday (yesterday). I am now cleared to get back to work! Granted, it is working from home remotely on the laptop ... and I have a 5 hour max per day restriction ... but at least I can hope to feel some sort of accomplishment and productivity by getting back into the groove. Kids started their new school year as well!
The busy day started with me waking up to my usual stiffness and pain, pain more than usual since I forgot to take my pain meds at 2am. John got the kids ready for their first day of the new school year, and we took pictures of them on the front porch (a tradition I started last year). When pictures were done and last minute items were stuffed in already full bags and backpacks, they loaded up in the car and John dropped them off.
He then came all the way back home to pick me up and take me to my first physical therapy appointment, away from home!! Since I didn't have far to walk, John convinced me to just use crutches and leave the wheelchair in the car. Good move. Therapy went well, and while it did hurt at times ... I didn't mind because I felt comfortable with my therapist and trusted she knew what she was doing. Connie seemed like she had been doing PT for a while, and also knew about hips. My biggest concern with blindly calling up StarPT and telling them I would be a new patient was the potential of getting a therapist who only knew how to heal sports injuries like elbows, shoulders and knees ... And who wouldn't know a hill of beans about a hip procedure like what I had. I really got lucky. Dr. Kregor had advised me to take the printouts of my xrays, and I'm glad I did. It helps to visually explain what was done, the areas affected, and thus how to
build the right plan.
Per Dr. Kregor, there are 2 primary goals with therapy between now and the next 5 weeks. 1 - make good headway towards being able to do a straight leg raise from lying down, unassisted. 2 - while lying on my left (good) side, raise my right leg. Today we sampled some muscle strengthening exercises that gave me an idea of how far I had to go, and which muscles would be needed to accomplish those goals. Needless to say, I have a long way to go and really need to do my homework!!!! (translated - be very diligent with my exercises between sessions)
Once I was home, John headed to the office and I hopped online. I had 2 conference calls, solved some user issues, answered emails, and BOY it felt great. Emotionally I felt the "blues" beginning to lift as I was able to focus on something other than my woes, aches and pains. By the end of the day I was exhausted, from PT as well as work I guess, but it was all good. I am so incredibly thankful for my employer to be so flexible with me during not only my short term leave, but also my restrictions on returning to work. The funny thing is (ok, maybe not so funny), last night I had a dream that they let me go!! I woke up this morning to take my meds and realized it was just a dream, and was so relieved. The dream felt so real - everyone on the team had gotten an email saying I had been let go, but I didn't know about it because my Blackberry was acting up and not receiving emails. I remember feeling sheer PANIC and being mad, disappointed, and broken-hearted because I had thought I was really contributing there! I think I have a small taste of what so many people out there have gone through with loosing their jobs, however am very thankful this was just a dream.
Today was day 2 of working, and it was a good one. There have been various interruptions, such as taking bathroom breaks (it takes a while for me to wheel myself out of the home office, fold up the walker, place it across my legs, and wheel myself to the bathroom), doing my exercises, fixing lunch (again, takes a while to make that happen), etc. But my brain still feels good ... and now I just wish the rest of me did!
Pain-wise, major soreness in my hip and down my leg. I'm hoping this is just my muscles talking to me and saying "hey, it's about time you woke me up!". I still have a good deal of swelling in my right ankle and foot, but not in the "good" ankle anymore. One new thing that has popped up is the fact that when I'm using the walker to get to the restroom, or whenever I'm standing for even just a minute, my right foot turns dark red. I emailed Dr. Kregor's assistant to find out if this is normal or not. Haven't heard back yet.
GOOD NEWS ... I'm no longer on the Lovinox injections!!! Both John and I are very excited about this. :-) Now I switch to taking aspirin daily - no big deal.
All in all, I'm starting to feel optimistic that this will be a good week. Tomorrow at church we have the Children's Ministry Back-to-school Bash which I'm looking forward to! Last year I was asked to be one of the leaders in our 1st grade Music Makers choir, so tomorrow is a big day and I'm soooo looking forward to getting to know our new rising 1st graders! Hoping this is another emotional and spiritual lift that will sustain me through the rest of this recovery period.
Until next time!
Lori
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